My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
