I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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