oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
