im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize