Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
