Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
