If that was your dad, he is hot
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
