i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
