last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Randomize
