Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
