I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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