You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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