I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
