i permit you to call me
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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