Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
