You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
