I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
