Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
