Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
