i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
