Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
