you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
