Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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