): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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