I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
