I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
