Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
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