i just google imaged poop.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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