I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
