I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
