my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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