on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's shark week go big or go home
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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