I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
