Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
