No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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