Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
