Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
