My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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