Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize