Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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