so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
