She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He shit in the fireplace
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