I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
