So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
