i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
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