true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
