sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
