I'm gonna have a badass scar
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
