my room smells like sperm. sweet.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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