yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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