you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
