Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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