My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
