Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
