Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
