My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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