The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
