respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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