i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
