I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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