Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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