her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
