woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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