If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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