So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
