Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize