I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I can't turn off my feet"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
