the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
