If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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