im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
