i just wanna soil my oats bro
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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