xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
