we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
