I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
