so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she pinky promised me she was 18
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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