I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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