i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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