No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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