soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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