she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
