you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
