in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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