I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
