She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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