yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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