her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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