just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
