If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
