Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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