Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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