Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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