the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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