can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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