my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize