I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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