I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
