Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
