Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I stole a fireplace last night.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
