All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
