No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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