When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
