and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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