I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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