Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
