I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
