Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
